First of all, understand that this post is uninspired, and pretty much a vent session. I started this blog to keep track of my experiences; I never imagined that people might actually read it. So, if you get annoyed by posts that complain, you can skip this one. On the other hand, if you are patient and empathetic… I could sure use a little sympathy right now.
I never understood when people said that trying to conceive was stressful. And these were people with normal, working reproductive systems and healthy sex lives.
Now I understand.
And possibly the most frustrating thing for me right now, is that the problem isn’t even what I always assumed it would be. The problem is not that I am infertile or that I have an inhospitable environment. The problems are everything else around me. In no particular order:
1) living temporarily with parents and sister there is the obvious issue of privacy — ex: last night, hubby and I were finally making some progress, when “knock, knock…” My darling sister to return a DVD to me. And then R couldn’t finish. <<I drop my chin down to my chest in defeat.>>
2) my dog, who I love more than anything, but she cries and whimpers if R so much as kisses me (and then if we leave her outside of the room, it looks suspicious and people comment – see #1)
3) busy, busy, busy… sometimes it is just impossible to be on the same page with all of our jobs and activities
4) as stated in previous posts, R needs the sun, moon, and stars to align in order to get it up, keep it up, and finish. We have “started” sex three times this cycle, but haven’t finished even once. He refuses to see a doctor, and he gets defensive and mean if I bring it up.
So, I keep saying things like, “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be right now,” and “It will happen when the time is right.”
But really, I am frustrated and pissed as hell.
And right now, in what is probably the last few viable hours that we could attempt to try this month, my dear dear husband is fast asleep and dead to the world. When I gently nudged him he told me to forget about it that it’s not happening right now. And then he got annoyed that I was upset about it.
Well, at least I won’t have to obsess over a two week wait.