2 Triggers and a Stupid Husband

Stick with me, gals. This is a little long winded (i.e. venting about hubs!) but I have GOT to get this out. Here goes.

Doc ordered 225 iu of Follistim for late this afternoon for one last “push” on those follicles (P.S. There were 12 measurable this AM on Day 10 ultrasound, and endo was 11.6 – yippee!!!).

Just before writing this, I gave myself 2 trigger shots: Lupron and HCG. And that’s that… 36 hours from now I’ll be, as I’ve grown fond of saying, laying my eggs. This brings us to Wednesday morning.

R has known “Wednesday” was the “probably” day for at least 3 days now. He has it in texts from me and we’ve had conversations about it. So imagine my utter hormonal chagrin when:
Me: We have to be there by 8:30 on Wednesday, so I’d like to leave around 6:45.
R: Wait, what day?
Me: Wednesday.
R: …oh… I thought it was Thursday.
Me: (Calmly) We had several conversations about Wednesday. Thursday has never even been mentioned. (Show him text that confirms Wednesday, with his response that says, “Got it!”)
R: I have to work a party and family night at the club. (He is a manager at a country club during the summer- he is obsessed with this job and this has been a point of contention in our relationship for years).
Me: …
R: I guess I’ll figure something out.

What??!? Doesn’t he mean, “Oh my god, I got all mixed up. I’m so sorry! Of course I will get my shifts covered so I can be there for you on the one day you have needed me during this whole process, which by the way, I think you are so strong and amazing for going through!” Isn’t that what he meant?!?

Cut to: I call my sister, RN, and she is off that day. She agrees without hesitation to come take care of me and the pup when R goes to work… And I bet she will even give me my progesterone shot in the butt without flinching, too.

But something doesn’t feel right. As much as I love my sister and am excited to spend time with her, I was still annoyed and seething that R didn’t want to be there for me. My god, I would take a week or more off of work to care for him if he needed it. I want the comfort of my husband, who, ya know, is supposed to be part of this process.

I can’t let it go, so a little while later I say, “Can I be honest? I really want you here with me on Wednesday. I’m trying to be reasonable and help you out by getting my sister over here, but that wasn’t what I had in mind.”
R: The procedure is first thing in the morning. I figured by 3:00, you’d —”
H: It’s one day.
R: (annoyed) OK, fine.

So now I “got what I wanted,” but not at all in the way I wanted it. Now I don’t even want him to stay home. I would much rather have my sister here.

Ladies, are my crazy hormones taking over? Am I back on the train to Crazy-Town? I don’t know what to do. Did I make a big deal out of nothing? Should I tell him forget it and go to work? I wish he would at least try to “get it” a little more, but I do feel like I’m going through this alone at times. I need to feel loved and calm and comforted. Now I just feel like a nuisance.

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10 thoughts on “2 Triggers and a Stupid Husband

  1. First of all, YAY for knowing your retrieval date! That is so exciting and such a relief to have that in sight! Good luck with your last couple shots and with the procedure! Secondly, you are not a nuisance. This is a major big deal and it is totally understandable that you want your partner IN IT with you. I’m constantly on mine because he can’t even remember the term PCOS or what it means. Also, around the time of our retrieval he was leaving an old job and starting a new job, so he kept asking the nurse if there was any way to “control” the retrieval date. Which, on one hand was sweet because it meant he wanted to take the day off and take care of me, but he knew it would be hard if it was the first day of his new job. But it was also annoying that he kept asking because THAT wasn’t what was most important. The retrieval was most important. I think your feelings are completely warranted. (But I will concede that us, as girls, have to realize that the man’s brain is just not in it the way we are.) As far as what you should do, I think you really need to think if you’re going to be mad at him whether he’s there or not, maybe just let him go to work (especially since you have an awesome sister to be there with you) and let him “get there” on his own.

    • Great advice! Even though logically, I know this is more of a gender gap than anything else, it is still frustrating at times. As you said, in my world, this is the single most important thing, but the boy can compartmentalize a lot better than I can. I asked him earlier, “Do you know what is happening on Wednesday?” And he said, “They’re taking your eggs.” So at least he has an idea! LOL! Marriage is hard and infertility doesn’t make it any easier. I know in the end we’ll be stronger for it, but sometimes I just want to scream and hit a pillow! Anyway, thanks for your response; I appreciate it very much! I think I will be grateful for the awesome sister and let him go to work if that’s what he wants. There are bigger battles to fight!

  2. no, i would be totally upset too! doesn’t he have to be there anyways to provide a sample? was he planning on just driving you home then taking off?? does he not understand that you will be very uncomfortable and likely pass out on the way home?

    • He knows he has to drive me and bring a sample, but I don’t think he fully understands the recovery. And he figured especially since my sister was able to come over once we got home that he would be off the hook. I’m trying to keep it in perspective but with a my hormones pumping it totally bummed me out. Thanks for understanding!

  3. Naw, it’s not “just one day”. If the table was turned and he was having a similar procedure you know he would want you there at his side. Men just need a quick slap aside the head to wake up every now and again. Good luck on Wednesday! That is my birthday – an extra special day for your retrieval. šŸ™‚

  4. I would have lost it as well. No staying calm, lol. My original retrieval date was Wednesday but now will hopefully be Friday. Still up in the air. Good luck on your’s!

  5. I laughed out loud when I read this title. Not because I am cruel, the jury is still out on that, but because I totally empathize. Men’s brains do just work differently, the sons of bitches. In the 9 years of being with my husband, he still cannot remember that I hate mayo. Now, I know what you are thinking. “If he can’t remember something as important as MAYO, what else is he forgetting!?! Poor girl.” I know, it’s just mayo, but it’s the fact that he can’t remember! To me, if I care about something, I retain ALL information about it. He told me 1 time ever that he didn’t like mushrooms, and in 9 years I have never accidentally made or brought home anything covered in fungus for him that wasn’t one of our dogs. I also have the added luxury of a husband that is a touring musician, which means that when I have to tell him the same thing 97 times, I’m usually texting it! There have been times my thumbs have almost gone through my phone. It’s no different through this IVF process. I told him at least 7 times that I was starting the BCP, that I, in fact, had started the BCP, honey, isn’t it so exciting that we have taken the first step of me starting the BCP!? And also had several conversations with him about how I was feeling now that I was taking the BCP. 2 days later he asks me “So, what’s the next step? Are you going to start taking the BCP?” We ought to introduce our husbands to each other, if for nothing else than to bonk their heads together. šŸ˜‰

    • You are hysterically funny. That message just lifted my spirits tons.. again, the jury is still out on my cruelty as well, but simply because I can relate to everything you said. Yesterday, minutes before my retrieval (nerves, IV, paperwork…), all he could manage to be concerned about is that he might have to go in to work late on Saturday if that is our transfer date (which it is). These men are too much. I would like to watch them stick needles in their tummies night after night… but if we relied on them to go through IVF, then we would never make babies. I will never forget your aversion to mayo (promise!) xoxo

      • Haha, I feel the same about you! I love all your posts. I’m not kidding that I actually had this conversation with my shrink about the mayo. It’s a metaphor, dammit! She just kept saying, “but what if he actually CAN’T remember things like that?” I wasn’t having that at first. She had to repeat herself several times before I gave in. It’s hard to imagine anyone thinks any differently than we do, but that fact is, they do. It’s nice to have someone who cares and gets it and who will commiserate with you, but I guess that’s what our female friends and relatives are for. And try to remember that sometimes it serves us quite well that their brains function a little differently than ours, that’s what makes us a team. If we both had the same strengths and weaknesses, that’d be a pretty shitty team I guess. Never am I more certain of this then when he’s gone and realize my brain still has not stored info on “how to squish spiders or reset the modem.” or “who is our cable service provider?”

  6. I know this is totally after the fact but I thought I’d add my two sense anyway incase (and I really hope not!!) there is a next time. I find that my husband doesn’t always understand my needs (because he is a he, and not a she with raging hormones) and I have to be pretty clear about what I need and want from him. In the old days in your shoes I would have told him not to worry and let my sister come round but all that did in the long run was build resentment. Even if I get what I want because I have had to fly a banner in the sky, it is better for us (me!) in the long run. I haven’t followed your other blogs yet but hope the retrieval etc went well and that you felt supported.

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