Cray Cray

At school this year, all the kids were using the phrase “cray cray” to mean “crazy.” (As in, “Amanda is cray cray for dating Brian. He’s so gross.”). Well, the past 12 hours are putting me in the cray cray category.

If you follow this blog, you might know that I had a little injection freak out last night. Cetrotide is meant to keep you from ovulating early, and I lost a bit of it out the top of the needle in a freak squirting.

This was followed by hours of me perseverating over the issue. Numerous texts with Sister, RN… who did not jump right away to saying it was fine, but who did ultimately make be feel better. A mention to R, who had no patience for my anxiety and worry and immediately called me cray cray. Ok, to be fair, he did not say “cray cray,” but that was the implication. There was a fight and there was yelling and there were tears. How could he be so insensitive?!? And then there was an apology and fro-yo … and we put it behind us.

Last night, there were also lots of cramps. The kind that show on your face. My tummy was tender, bloated, and crampy. These feelings had been coming on throughout the afternoon and they intensified in the evening. I felt good about it because I’m thinking, “everything is working as it should.”

Then this morning I woke up, and I FEEL NOTHING. The bloat has even gone down. I can sit on the floor with my dog without cringing. No cramps. No heaviness. Nada. Yesterday I was overjoyed that I didn’t have to teach aerobics; today I feel like I could go for a run, comfortably. How can I feel nothing on Day 7 (especially when yesterday things were so intense?) WTF?!!

So of course I get right on the train for Crazy-Town and start thinking the worst: surely I must have ovulated and the cramps last night were not things growing and working, but ovulation cramps. And all of my front runners are released and done, and this cycle is going to be a bust. Maybe I am “cray cray” because I can not help my mind from going there.

And of course I don’t have my next appointment until tomorrow morning. And I can’t talk to R who lectured me last night about worrying too much and looking for problems. And I’m not the type to call my doctor and demand to be seen. (I’m just not…)

So for the next 24 hours, even though I will do my darnedest to distract myself, I’m going to be cray cray and there’s nothing that I can do about it.

Day 6 Quick Update

Since my other post today was just an injection freak out (I’ve calmed down a bit since…) I wanted to document some other things about the day.

During my ultrasound this AM, I tried to keep track as the doctor measured and announced each follicle but I just couldn’t remember. My estimate (for both sides, total) is: 9 small, 8 ranging from 9 mm – 12mm. Lining was 8 and change.

DEFINITELY feeling it today, especially on the right side. Very tender and getting a lot of “growing pains.” I go back on Saturday morning. My doctor predicts a retrieval between Monday and Wednesday of this coming week.

So excited, anxious, and way-too-optimistic.

Totally off topic: did you know that these two emoji: πŸ“…πŸ“† are only relevant once a year? …and today was the day!

Cetrotide 911!!!

Gals!!!

Major freak out over here!!! HELP!

I lost half my dose of Cetrotide out the top of the needle before injecting. I was pushing the plunger up to get rid of the air and out comes all of this liquid! WTF?!? I was just pushing the meds to the top. Last night the Cetrotide itched like crazy and tonight it’s just a tiny bit red but hardly anything last night!!!

Now I am picturing all of my follicles hanging on for dear life in an attempt to resist my LH surge.

Please tell me this has happened to you and it was fine!

Argh!

Stims Days 4-5

Day 4 was same protocol as 1-3:
1 injection consisting of
– 100 Follistim
– 75 Menopur

Day 5 we got a bit fancier:
2 injections consisting of
– 100 Follistim
– 150 Menopur
– Cetrotide (*I was glad I had read on some people’s blogs that this would itch at the injection site, because otherwise I probably would have thought I was having an allergic reaction. It itched for about half an hour.)

Who knew I was mentally strong enough to stab myself with needles? This journey is full of surprises.

I go in tomorrow morning for bloodwork and ultrasound, which always makes me excited and nervous. Hoping to have a ballpark retrieval date soon!!!

How I’m Feeling: headache all day (but whether that is hormones or leftover sinus stuff from my cold is anyone’s guess), definitely got some “fullness” and bloating going on – guessing with the increased dose, this will continue, when I bent down to get food for my pup I definitely felt a little sore. Nothing awful, but I am glad I was able to sub out my aerobics class tomorrow (…and for the next 3 weeks).

That’s it, just a little log of what’s going on in IVF Land!

A Magic Wand

Right now there is a magic wand in my cervix. It is magically widening and straightening out said cervix. Until last week, I did not know that she was narrow and curvy, but now, here I sit in my car, trying to deep breathe the cramps away.

About 40 minutes ago, I had a Dilapan inserted. I return to the office in 4 hours to have it removed. It was not easy for the doc to get it in, and she yelled at me for not having a full enough bladder (not my favorite doc in the office). After several unsuccessful tactics (“Can you cough? I’m going to try to straighten your cervix out…”), The Partridge Family came on the radio, and I legit got excited because I haven’t heard the song in ages. “I think I love you…” I tried to sing along and before the song ended, the Dilapan was in.

Followed by… extreme discomfort.

I had been told it wouldn’t be painful and I would have a few cramps. This was a bit of an understatement (unless my threshold for pain is really much smaller than I have always thought). But the doctor who told me that was male and I’m guessing he’s never had a magic wand shoved into his much-too-narrow-and-curvy cervix.

So that’s where we are, folks. I’m sitting in the parking lot and deep breathing (and blogging) until I feel ready to drive. R is waiting at our new house for me so we can do some work there… do you think my magic wand does chores?!?

Stims Day 3

First off, I have an atrocious cold rearing its head today. Of course I am concerned about how this will affect my cycle.

Also, voicemail from nurse says to continue same protocol for Stims tonight. She also says my numbers are high so I need to do more bloodwork and ultrasound tomorrow before my Dilapan procedure.

Another bump or two in the road. If I have learned anything on this journey, it is that I simply can not expect things to go as expected.

Stims, Days 1-2

100 units follistim
1 vial Menopur

The trick is to have an amazing sister, who just so happens to be a nurse, come over and help you through it for a few days. I can not even tell you how much this has helped to put my mind at ease. She’s also really good at getting rid of those stubborn air bubbles. A HUGE SHOUT OUT to all you brave women who had to fly solo right from the beginning. I had anxiety all day even knowing my sister was coming over to help!

How I’m feeling: Soooo crampy!!!! (But this is likely because I have my period and can’t take my trusty midol), slept all day (also likely related to period), the heating pad is my best friend, feels like a really bad period day

I go for ultrasound and bloodwork in the AM. Will get new dosage info. based on the visit, if necessary. I am very excited and optimistic. And I hope all this positivity doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass, but I am thinking it will keep me in a much healthier frame of mind which can’t be a bad thing!

Survey Post! *IVF Restrictions*

What restrictions were you all given for the different parts of your IVF Cycle?

Here are mine:
– no alcohol (starting day 1 of meds)
– no high impact exercise or core work (when I start to feel uncomfortable from meds and lasting through pregnancy test)
– sex with condom only!!! (I do not desire octo-mom status!)
– bed rest day of and after retrieval
– bed rest day of transfer

And that was really it, though Doc said to basically pretend I’m pregnant as soon as I start the meds. (Mixed feelings about that for superstitious reasons…)

Were your guidelines similar? What were your doctor’s orders?

A Rogue Egg -UPDATED

GREEN LIGHT to start meds tomorrow; it was a phantom rogue egg… Nurse just called to tell me (cue heart skipping a beat when the phone rang). One more hurdle jumped. See original post below.
————————————
Soooo… ultrasound and bloodwork this AM to confirm that I can start my meds tomorrow may not have gone so well. I say may not because the doctor wasn’t sure based on ultrasound and is now waiting for bloodwork results to let me know.

You know how the pill is ridiculously effective, like 99.7% or something ridiculous like that? Well, in a cruel twist of irony, I may have been that teeny tiny “ineffective” percentage. It seems I may have produced a breakthrough rogue egg, in which case, of course, I will not be able to begin IVF this month. SERIOUSLY?!? I needed meds to help me ovulate because I wasn’t ovulating, and then the month I needed to NOT ovulate, my body produced this thing?!?

If my phone does not ring before 5 pm, then I am in the clear to start as planned. Needless to say, I am hoping for a quiet day.

A Heart at the End of the Tunnel

Subtitled: IVF Orientation 101

** A record of my two and a half hour orientation this morning. **

– πŸ‹Drank 24 oz of lemon water in the car; didn’t think this would be too difficult because as a teacher, I am constantly finding myself in extreme peepee discomfort. WRONG. I was fine until I wasn’t, then it was excruciating.

– πŸ’²Hubby calls from his sperm freeze drop off to complain about price ($190). I explained this is one of two things not covered by insurance and he should count his lucky stars that we have amazing insurance. This took my mind off of peeing for 1 minute.

– 🚽Doctor’s office is freezing. This does not help pee situation. Ultrasound tech takes me right back and says, “You’re going to hate me, but I need just the smallest urine sample, but don’t empty your bladder. OMG.

– πŸ†’ Now she puts the ultrasound goo on my tummy. Cold =have to pee, but I’ve never had that type of ultrasound before so the science dork in me thought that was pretty cool. She announces my bladder is officially full enough for the mock transfer. No shit, and thank god!

– 🍝 Enter Dr. D. He’s my favorite, and my main doc. Practice transfer is first. First catheter doesn’t work (“like feeding a wet noodle through a pin hole”). 2nd catheter is no cake walk, either. He’s asking me about my dog, and anything else he can remember about me, but I can’t shake the image of him fishing for my cervix, which is apparently very narrow. Doc is eventually successfully, but I will have to return on Tuesday for a Dilipan insertion that is meant to dilate and soften the cervix. *If any of you have ever had this procedure, please enlighten me!*

* 🎈Next up, Sonohysterogram (SHG). A poor man’s HSG since mine was all the way back in January. A precaution to make sure there are no blockages that have developed recently. Water is inserted into the uterine cavity. There are more catheters involved. Doc can’t get a good look… the cramping is starting to make me a little woozy, and I’m trying to relax by singing along with Carole King. It is decided that the catheter with the balloon at the end is what he needs. (“I see something at the top of your uterus and I just need a good look to make sure it’s nothing we have to remove.”) …again, my details are fuzzy here because balloon catheter = the antichrist. My heart skipped several beats as I prayed everything would check out normally. Turns out the top of my uterus has a slight heart shape but there is nothing of concern. Good.

– 🚺 I FINALLY GET TO PEE!!!

– πŸ“ Next is the consent forms. I would have to say the highlight of this was deciding what to do with frozen sperm and eggs should one or both of meet an untimely death. We also made the decision NOT to do genetic testing on embryos ($5,500 uncovered). Doc sees no reason to encourage this at this juncture. We also talked a little about whether to transfer 1 or 2 embryos. To me, it’s a no brainer (two!!!), but R is a harder sell. It’s not that I’m hoping for twins, but I want the higher success rate… discussion still open.

– πŸ’‰ Final stop: nurse’s office to discuss and practice meds. I will do a separate post about my protocol, but the box of goodies is being delivered tomorrow. Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted that I would one day be filling syringes ad self administering injections. Us infertiles are pretty bad-ass, if you ask me!

So that was IVF 101 in a nutshell. Somewhat painful, and a little overwhelming, but oddly exciting. Someone (I honestly can’t remember who), encouraged me to “enjoy the IVF journey.” I am taking this advice to heart, after all, THIS is how our baby is going to be created. Some people have sex (lucky bastards), and some of us, well… go back and read this post again. But I am fully invested in this journey and I’m not dreading one tiny part of it, because I do feel in my heart that it will lead us to having the family we so desperately want. πŸ‘ΆπŸ‘Ά