The Girl Who Cried Blood – UPDATED

(Below this is my original post from this AM)

Well, just about as soon as I pressed publish on my post this morning, the light bleeding and mild cramps became heavy and steady bleeding and extreme cramping. I had to hold it together. We had over 100 people in the audience and of course I didn’t want my kids to see that anything was bothering me on their special day. As the show went on, the cramps worsened but I kept a huge dorky grin plastered on my face. In spite of everything, I managed to be filled with such pride for my cast. I work with truly talented and remarkable kids.

Then it was off to the interview. I was very shaky which I’m sure was a mix of nerves and not feeling well. There were 6 people on the interview committee, all of whom I know decently well, having worked in my district for 10 years. I was definitely not at the too of my game but I made it through. I’m sure it just came off as nerves.

As soon as I left the interview I left a message with my nurse an broke down in the car. I think I will subtitle today, “The day she rallied like a beast.”

The nurse called back and said, “Don’t panic.” I laughed. I’m going in tomorrow for beta and they will attempt an ultrasound (I will be 5w2d tomorrow). I haven’t passed any clots and now that I’m lying down the bleeding seems to be tapering off a bit, though I’m still crampy. I know there could be a miracle but I’m trying to stay realistic about this.
(Earlier today)
I know that light bleeding and mild cramps could mean nothing. Or it could mean something. Very conclusive.

5w1d today and {not so} patiently waiting for Monday’s bloodwork and ultrasound. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely freaked out and pessimistic right now. At the risk of sounding like every other woman who had a hard time conceiving and a rocky start to early pregnancy…

Of course today is a big day. The final production for the kids’ summer theater workshop I run is this morning. Then I have an interview for a potential new position in my school district. I have to compartmentalize right now. I have to get my head in the game for the next six hours. If only my head weren’t so fuzzy.

I hope this is me being over anxious for no reason. Women cramp in early pregnancy. Women spot and even bleed sometimes. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong. But it could.

Gotta get my game face on…

2 thoughts on “The Girl Who Cried Blood – UPDATED

  1. Hope you hang in there! I am still terrified every time I go to the bathroom :-/ Doesn’t help that those damn progesterone suppositories are slightly orange tinged so I’ve spent the last few days staring at panty liners trying to decide if the color is pink or orange!

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