Not a Club I Wished to Join

1684 was my lousy beta number from this morning.

Here’s what the numbers did:
38 Wed.
156 Fri.
599 Mon.
no beta Wed.; should have been 1200
1684 Fri. (today- should have been over 2,000)

I will go back Sunday. If numbers are rising but they still see nothing on ultrasound they will have to check for ectopic. If numbers decrease then it will be a regular miscarriage.

So basically I’m just waiting to hear which of two evils I will be dealing with. My dear husband still thinks I should be positive and not be fixated on it all weekend. How funny.

I’m sure I will write more about this in the coming days, but I really don’t know how to feel. Before I heard from the doctor, I thought I had come to terms with this inevitable outcome, but now it feels raw all over again. I go from devastatingly sad and crying, to apathetic and numb, to angry, and back again. At least it is happening early in the pregnancy; though it still feels like a terrible loss.

This is not a club I wished to join.

19 thoughts on “Not a Club I Wished to Join

  1. So sorry to hear this!! I’m sure it was frustrating news to take. Any particular reason they were doing more than 3 beta’s to start with? I thought 3 was pretty standard….and your first 3 doubled just as they should have. I hope your next beta goes well and you see something on the ultrasound….and it’s not in your tubes, thinking of you. XOXO

  2. I am so so sorry you are experiencing this. Having been there more times then I’d like to count, in my experience the waiting and the unknowing is probably the hardest part. I wish you peace and strength in the coming days. If you do indeed miscarry and want or need any advice please feel free ask me anything.

  3. How many eggs did you have when you guys went for it this cycle? I’m surprised they jumped to immediately thinking MC/or Eptopic pregnancy – your numbers are still rising, maybe you are losing a twin? Did they do the ultra sound today and see anything? Thinking of you, miscarriage is the worst, coping with it is awful. We are all here for you no matter what.

    • We transferred two. The doctor said today’s number is inconclusive but she prepared me for all possible scenarios. On today’s ultrasound we saw a tiny tiny dark spot that she said could be the start of the gestational sac but she couldn’t say for sure. I’m very early (5w2d). With HCG above 1500 she said they usually can see something at that point. But again, inconclusive. Things are not looking in my favor so while I’m in quasi limbo I want to try and prepare myself. Thank you sooo much. You girls are an invaluable and I don’t know how I would do this without you. xo

  4. I’m so sorry. I’ve been in these shoes and I wouldn’t wish that stress or pain on anyone. Try and have hope though. I was told betas can double every 48-72 hours so if you’re looking at the 72 hour window,your numbers looks good. Wishing for the best for you and sending you hugs and strength.

  5. Inconclusive is better than definitive bad news right now! Stressful, anxiety ridden and annoying, but still better! And I agree about the slow rising beta- it still increased and that’s good. After my poopy 2nd beta my husband went all Dr. Google on me and presented his finding and facts and made the case that my beta was actually fine going by the 72hr count. Not stellar, but in the lower range of ok. It’s the next one that will give you answers, so hold onto that shred of hope for now.

    • My husband is frustrated at my pessimism but I’m just trying to set myself up for the fall. I don’t think the men will ever really understand (and how could they?!?). I’m sooo happy that your numbers are going in the right direction. Praying for you, too!

  6. Geez! I never saw my beta get that high because I only did 3. I would’ve been going absolutely bonkers in your shoes. The betas were the absolute worst part for me and I was ttc for 6 years! I did read though that once betas get to 1600 the doubling time slows.
    Check out this site:
    http://www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator
    I put in your numbers (I guessed on days past O). It shows you well above average.

    • Thanks for the info.! I’ve never seen this particular hcg calculator; great tool and thanks for sharing. I know it’s not over until it’s over… just trying to prepare myself in an effort to soften the fall even though I know that’s impossible. I’m still spotting brown consistently but no cramping right now. Thank for your help; will keep you posted!

  7. I’m really sorry to hear this. It seems so cruel when everything started off looking great. Don’t push yourself to get back to normal and try again too quickly. It’s going to take some time physically and even longer emotionally x

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