And Then I Ruptured

Thursday: cramping and bleeding starts (again, this time allegedly from Monday’s MTX shot).

Friday: continues.

Saturday 10 AM: excruciating pain.

10:30 AM: I take two Tylenol (looking back I laugh at how futile this was)

12 pm: the pain has not subsided; it feels like stabbing in my left side and it takes my breath away- I finally stop being stubborn and call it in to the answering service.

12:30 pm: Dr. calls me right back and doesn’t hesitate to tell me to pack a bag and meet her at the hospital.

1:30 pm: arrive at hospital and the rest is somewhat of a blur
– check in: answer 500,000 questions
– triage: answer a million questions
– ER: nurse Maureen starts my IV and takes blood; I almost faint from anxiety / pain, 2 additional nurses come in for more blood (they forgot to test for one thing ordered by doc) and after being stuck 4 addition places there is nothing to show for it; answer more questions
– Ultrasound: extremely uncomfortable, she asks me to guide the probe in, my doctor is right there but she is not allowed to do ultrasound. She looks over the tech’s shoulders and sees what she needs to in order to call the surgery (there is blood pooling in my pelvis. “You are rupturing through the Methotrexate.”)
– Back to ER: quick phone call to R at work (“Stay at work just get home as quickly as you can and try to get tomorrow covered.” Lots of I love yous.). Doc informs me my Day 4 numbers had gone WAY up and she was expecting to hear from me this weekend. She is not surprised.
– OR prep: Leave mom in waiting room. Dad joins soon thereafter.
Note to family: repeatedly get described as “such a sweet girl” (how do most patients act?!?)
– Surgery: laparoscopic removal of pregnancy (an extremely healthy 6w3d embryo) and tube; don’t remember this at all, thank goodness
– Recovery 7:30 PM: they took left tube (fully ruptured- it was “badly diseased.”), other tube also looks pretty not-so- good but they leave it without medical reason for removal; this is of course the dark cloud of the whole ordeal for me…
– Pediatrics (post recovery and dishcharge); though I have 3 incisions, the one on the right (and the whole right side of my body seems to be sorest, also my throat from the anesthesia tube, I have to pee and eat a turkey sandwich before I can be discharged; answer 2 million more questions

11:45 PM: home sweet home – R finally home from work, mom finally gets some sleep

4:00 AM: I got a little sleep but it’s hard to recline. Also, I am very bloated from the anesthesia which is actually extremely painful from neck to hip. Right surgical site appears to have more blood and stuff going on; not sure what that’s about. Hopefully it’s normal.

** Silver lining: I don’t need to return for Blood work and possible second MTX shot tomorrow morning. Also, I came out of the infertility closet on Facebook. My #100happydays post was about being grateful for my doctors and care and had a pic of my room on the pediatric floor. In my post I urged people to tell their TTC troubles, ending with, “It doesn’t have to be such a secret.” Many took me up on this. We are not alone.

I have even more to process now and of course the surgery adds healing time. Follow up in two weeks. Have to wait 3 months to try again. IVF Round 2 will be with one damaged tube (supposedly there is a plan to stitch it closed or something like that so no embryo can get in. I guess will talk about that when the time comes).

Finally I just want to add that I accomplished the following things while bleeding internally:
1) I directed a musical
2) I interviewed (twice) for a new position AND got the job
3) I went out for sushi
4) I walked the dog several times a day
5) I led a workshop for new teachers in my district

So anytime I don’t feel up to something, I’m just going to encourage myself, “It’s not like you’re bleeding internally right now…” Note to self: this should also work on the man, i.e. “Please walk the dog. It’s not like you’re bleeding internally…”

And now the road to recovery…

7 thoughts on “And Then I Ruptured

  1. So sorry for such hell you have been through. Amazed at your positive attitude. If we knew each other in ‘real life’ I would want you as my best friend! Can only imagine the mother you are going to be!

  2. That sounds beyond horrific. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I admire your openness in sharing your story on social media and encouraging others to come forward. Wishing you a speedy recovery, physically and emotionally.

  3. Holy shit.

    I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m so sorry about the ectopic, the surgery, the lost tube…your pain, physical and emotional. But you are SO strong. I can tell just by reading your words. You’ll bounce back from this, hun. Keep your head up. Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts. ❤

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