I’m caving little by little as the days become more realistic testing days. My original plan was to test at home the day before my beta. I will stick to that – unless the universe throws a really great reason not to, my way.
But nevertheless, the struggle is real. For me, this part (the waiting) is harder than injections, retrievals, daily blood draws… this is the part I do not want to endure again and again. And it is so hard not to test early.
My mom and I have been considering my Grandma Eva, who passed away back when I was in high school, to be sort of like a guardian angel for me during this cycle. Today, when I mentioned wanting to test, my mom went radio silent. Then, suddenly, this photo of my grandmother appeared on my screen, with the message, “This woman wants you to wait!”
I laughed, teared up a little, and decided that I surely can’t let my a Grandma Eva down. She is looking over me, protecting me, and I’m sure doing whatever she can to help this cycle play out the way it is meant to. I promised myself I will look at this picture whenever I’m feeling weak about testing in the next few days.
My sister’s text was more lighthearted, but equally effective: