What Would You Do If…

An hour before my first “big girl” (non fertility doctor) prenatal appointment on Monday, my phone rang. It was a colleague of mine. I had confided in her last year while I was going through some of my fertility treatments. She herself had suffered from RPL, though she now has two healthy children. (Yay!!!) 

I should mention she is a supervisor for our district and has always liked both my husband and myself. She can be a little abrasive but if you are on her good side, then you start to learn that this is just her personality. She tells it like it is. I do respect her very much professionally and appreciate her friendship.  For the sake of this entry, I will call her K. Here’s how the convo went:

K: I just talked to your husband. He said you are looking for a doctor.

Me: He did? He knows I have an appointment this afternoon. I’m leaving in half an hour!

K: Who are you using?

Me: (gives name of group)

K: No you’re not. Cancel the appointment. That’s who (name of former colleague) used. I’m texting you my doctor’s information. Call him and make an appointment…

The rest of the conversation was a blur. To explain, a few years ago, a staff member in our district experienced a terrible tragedy. 6 days after she gave birth to her first child, she died from an infection. According to the articles that were written about her, she had called the doctor’s office several times complaining of a fever and not feeling well, and was told that this could be attributed to the fact that she had just been through childbirth. (She had no complications with her pregnancy and her delivery was textbook). 

Obviosly, when I learned that she had used the same practice as I was about to start using, I was shaken. I had done my homework before I made the appointment. My sister, who was a nurse at the hospital where I am going to deliver, asked her colleagues for recommendations. I read up on many doctors online. I even opted to use a hospital 40 minutes away rather than 5 because I wasn’t happy with what I had heard about the closer hospital. 

I should mention that K ended the conversation by telling me to do whatever I was comfortable with, but that she couldn’t in good conscience not tell me. I also learned later, from my husband, that he had told her who I was using and that I was going that afternoon. So she called already knowing the trajectory the conversation would take.

 Both my husband and my sister have told me to ignore K. She couldn’t say for sure who the doctor was or even if (s)he is still part of the practice. Unfortunately, there are tragedies that occur and it could happen to anyone with any doctor. The bottom line is, I’m 11 weeks today. I don’t have all the time, money, and blood in the world to go around trying lots of doctors. Obviously I know I have to be my own advocate and go the extra mile to do the best for myself and baby.

I went to my appointment in spite of the phone call. I wasn’t blown away or anything, but it was fine.The doctor did forget to give me my prescription for blood work and NT Scan until I asked at the front desk. Then he apologized profusely. I don’t know… maybe it is worth a comparison shop. What do you think?

The other naggibg thing about this whole incident is that Rob said something to K about how much unnecessary anxiety she caused me and now I’m afraid she is going to act differently around me. If she cut us from the good side to the bad side, that’s going to crush me.

Argh; this is the first time I have regretted being open about my journey with people I know. But maybe it is a blessing in disguise. I’m very conflicted. 

8 thoughts on “What Would You Do If…

  1. I’d say you need to go with whatever doc you’re comfortable with. If your recent appointment was just meh?? Then it might be worth it to try another one or two out.

  2. I think you need to pick who you are most comfortable with. That said, if you’re getting bad vibes from a doctor you’re seeing or a bad guy feeling, cut them straight away. The first doctor I saw put me through a terrible experience and I knew from the get go that I didn’t get good vibes from him. I switched and now I’m happier than I could have imagined! Switching was the best choice for me, although, it may not be for you. So maybe shop around? See someone different, if you like them more, go with them. If not, stick with what you have 😀

  3. I had to comparison shop for my own peace of mind. I’m glad I did because the 3rd OB I saw was PHENOMENAL and though there was nothing *wrong* with the first two, I felt much much more connected to the third and her office. You just have to trust your instincts, and go with who makes you comfortable!

  4. Forgive me of this is a little long, I’ll try to minimize the back story. I’ve been going to my OB/GYN since I was in high school, and I love her and her practice. My doctor no longer performs deliveries because she’s the head of the OB department of their/my hospital now. A few years ago though, when she still did, my family member was in the hospital on bedrest, in preterm labor with twins, AND her appendix ruptured. They had to deliver the twins early (probably around 24/25 weeks) in order to remove her appendix. Neither of the babies survived, it was incredibly sad, but not my OBs fault. I mean the circumstances were just too much. Anyway, she spent my entire pregnancy giving me the side-eye, and saying things like, “Oh I KNOW your doctor,” it was really awkward (thankfully I don’t see her often, it was just on holidays, haha). Anyway, I opted to stay with the practice because I liked the OBs I was working with, I liked the hospital, etc. I would say do what makes you the most comfortable.

  5. I agree with the others…you need to do what makes you feel most comfortable. It might be worth it to see 1 or 2 others, just to see. Whatever happens, I hope you find the right Dr for you, and that everything goes smoothly!

  6. it wouldn’t hurt to try another doc, even though I know it’s a pain in the butt to shop around sometimes. Feeling comfortable and getting good care really makes for a much better experience.

  7. The absolutely most important thing is that you trust your doctor. I believe this is true for any kind of medical care. If you don’t like or trust your doc, you can absolutely find another one. There is also nothing terrible about switching doctors in the middle of your pregnancy. Sure, it isn’t ideal– but it happens more often than you think.

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