On the Cusp

7dp3dt

I’m right on the cusp of “too early to POAS” and “realistic to POAS.” This is definitely the most challenging part of the 2WW. Not to mention it’s a rainy weekend and all I have to do is laundry and curriculum writing. Not much to take my mind off of this.

I keep picturing my two little jujubes burrowing in comfy and cozy. My mantra the past few days has been, “hatch and attach!!!” According to the many handy dandy internet resources we all know and love, at 7dp3dt (or 10dpo), implantation either did not happen (boo!!!), or is complete (woohoo!!!).

I am not a POAS-aholic. However, this may be due to the fact that I usually start spotting and know AF is on the way before I get to the point of not being able to wait any longer. Progesterone adds a whole other layer because it will likely keep me from spotting and will not “allow” my period to start. During the past 48 hours, I have googled things like:
— Do you still get PMS while on progesterone?
— Can you still spot while on progesterone? (I had the smallest bit of pink / brown on 5dp3dt).

The results, of course, are inconclusive (which I knew before I looked but had to check anyway). They are inconclusive because PMS can be legit PMS or an early PG symptoms, and spotting can indicate AF or… you guessed it, be an early PG symptom. PMS symptoms = Progesterone symptoms = early PG symptoms. Thanks for that devine plan, universe!

So no matter what you know during the 2WW waiting game, you still know nothing. I am absolutely envious of the women who have only had to endure a few of these, and of course, of the women who didn’t even know they were in a two week wait.

I am firming up the plan, though: I am not waiting for my beta on Wednesday. I will test at home sometime before then. But the questions are when and how?!? I don’t even know if I want R to be with me when I test. If it’s bad news then I want him here, but if it’s good news, I’d like to surprise him somehow. All I know is that I’m definitely holding out for the weekend. So the earliest I will test is Monday 9dp3dt. Bah! Who knows!

Does anyone ever feel like they are jinxing themselves by writing about it? I may go radio silent for the next few days (on my own blog). We shall see.

Don’t Cheat

This morning, I had bloodwork done for Estradiol and Progesterone.

“Looks like Wednesday is the big day,” says the lab tech, referring to my beta. “Don’t cheat and test early.”

“I don’t even have any tests at home,” I lied. (Actually, I bought 4 dollar store tests yesterday, just to ‘have around…’).

I don’t know why I lied. I could have just said, “I’ll try not to!”

The thing is, I am very torn. I don’t think I want good OR bad news from a phone call. So, my current plan is: undecided.

On another note, the boy has some sort of stomach bug which is giving me major anxiety. Stomach things are THE WORST. I do NOT want it, and I also hate when he is sick. :/ So now, any cramp, twinge, fatigue, sensation, etc. can DEFINITELY be chalked up to either progesterone or anxiety. No symptom spotting for me (and anyway, I really don’t have any).

A Photo Tour of My JuJu

First thing is first…

Yesterday morning, around 10:15, these two beauties were transferred back to me:

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2 strong little 8-cell embryos. The embryologist did not provide a “grading.” I asked if they were good and strong and she replied that they were. That was enough for me. I don’t think people at infertility clinics make a habit of giving their patients false hope. And anyway, they were the two strongest. One of the other 4 stopped dividing, and the last was a 6-cell which they will continue to monitor. I’m leaning toward not freezing it, but will wait for the embryology report on Tuesday.

So here I am, officially in my two week wait, which as we all know is probably the hardest part. There are no more ultrasounds for updates, no more daily trips to see the doctor. So of course I feel the need to take some control and “do” something. Enter: my juju.

Now, I am not a particularly religious person, but I do believe is some sort of higher being, and in other “forces” working for and against us in the universe. Juju is a West African (as far as I know) word that describes an amulet of superstitious power. So here is some of the JuJu on which I am relying during these next two weeks, followed by descriptions:

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1. Pineapple Core There is actually some science behind this one. Many-a-blogger (including myself) have dedicated entries to the almighty pineapple core. I ate 1/5 of a pineapple yesterday (on transfer day), and will continue to eat one piece for the next 4 days. Also, pineapples are a sign of welcome, so, “Welcome home, Embies! Please settle in here for the next 9 months or so!” In this picture, the pineapple is upside down to help ripen it faster and more evenly.

2. Sandstone Vase From Sedona, AZ My parents have been to Sedona a number of times and on their last trip, my mom came home with this little token for me. I figured she just thought it was pretty (it is!), but just the other day, she referred to “the fertility vase I bought you in Sedona.” And then upon seeing my confused face, added, “but I don’t think I ever told you it was for fertility.” Sedona is said to have healing powers, and Kokopelli (the cute little dude featured on this vase) is a symbol of fertility, so it all makes sense. Immediately, I cleaned it out (more like just blew the dust out and into my eyes), and placed it by my pillow on my nightstand. Inside, I placed a piece of rose quartz (also from my mom), which is a gem stone that is said to have some hidden fertility magic. I brought the quartz with me to the transfer yesterday and held on to it the whole time.

3. Lentil Soup On a list of implantation friendly foods that I found, lentils are number 1. I’m also pretty sure that lentils are good luck in some cultures. We also know that a warm uterus is a much more inviting place for embryos and blasts to set up shop, so soups and stews should always be on the 2WW menu! Sooo, the night before transfer, I made this big pot of homemade lentil soup out of all organic ingredients. And it actually tastes amazing! It will be my lunch until I run out. Added bonus: contains spinach, another ingredient on the list!

4. Fertility Affirmations I really believe in a mind / body connection. So as silly as I felt at first listening to an Australian woman say things like, “My IVF treatments are easy and successful. I am pregnant. My hormones are in perfect balance. My womb is ready to accept a strong healthy baby,” etc., I really do put a lot of stake in it. I have had a lot of self defeating talk in my life (“I know it’s going to be hard to get pregnant,” “I hate my reproductive system; it’s defective,” etc.) and I really think I did a lot of damage when I talked like that. Of course I did it as a defense mechanism, but lo and behold! — it did not defend me from $h!t. So… fertility affirmations all the way, baby! No use being negative now!

And there you have it, a tour of my 2ww juju. 🌠

Gettin’ Ready for T Day

Tomorrow is my Day 3 transfer of two embryos! (WHAT?!? WOOHOO! COME ON, LITTLE EMBIES! STAY STRONG & HEALTHY!) <– (because clearly they are reading my blog, and or have some superhuman way of already knowing what I am thinking and feeling).

We are scheduled at 10 AM, and then R is dropping me off home for total rest and relaxation while he goes to work. I'm running out to the store tonight to prep for must haves.

So what are the must haves?

I’ve got my pineapple ripening on the counter (my mom thinks I’m nuts but is happy to cut it up for me anyway).

But other than the pineapple core, what else do I need to keep in mind tomorrow and during my special IVF two week wait?

* What worked for you?
* What do you swear by?
* What do you avoid at all costs?

Lay it on me kids; foods, strategies, visualizations, meditations… let’s hear it all! Gotta make a comfy home for these little ones, so they’ll want to stay!!! 😊

Some Retrieval Results

6 eggs retrieved
4 eggs fertilized
We will do a 3 day transfer on Saturday with two of the embryos.

I am ridiculously nervous that we are doing a day 3 transfer. I am hoping it is only because of the low number of fertilized embryos (4) and not because of the quality of the embryos.

I have read the 3 day success stories online but I still feel somewhat defeated at this point. Not even hoping for any frosties, just want two healthy implantable embryos for Saturday.

Please Don’t Call

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There is one day during each cycle on which I cross my fingers and hope NOT to hear from my doctor. Today is that day. Today is progesterone day. My doctor’s office only calls if your numbers are low and they want you to start supplements. It is 4:45 and I haven’t heard from them yet, so fingers crossed…

I’m 4 dpiui and this 2ww is soooo slow. I’m on spring break and I’m grateful for some down time, but on the other hand… (Oh, believe me; it’s not that I don’t have a mile high pile of paperwork, but you can guess my progress on that…)

I used to get nervous to have bloodwork done, but since TTC, that has obviously become a thing of the past!

… Til it’s Pink

Tonight R and I went into the city and I had a drink drinks. 2, to be exact. I’m only mildly sorry about this. I guess I’m prescribing to “drink til it’s pink” for now.

I have a hard time putting life on hold for a “maybe baby.” I’m not going out and getting sloshed or anything like that, and most of the time that wonderful Clomid / HCG cocktail headache reminds me pretty fervently that I really shouldn’t be drinking anyway.

There are different schools of thought on this one so each of us IF ladies needs to make her own decision. I read in a few places that more than 4 drinks per week is linked to infertility. R and I are big foodies and we enjoy our, achem, beverages… but having read the research, I have definitely cut back! I have also read that a glass of red wine each night might help with implantation, so obviously that is what I’m choosing to listen to. The millisecond I see that BFP, not a sip of anything alcoholic will pass my lips, but until then… let the wine flow!

Do you abstain, or drink til it’s pink?