Rebel Without a Vitamin

This was my big BFN rebellion: I didn’t take my prenatal last night. Take that, infertility! Who’s winning now?!? I’m such a badass. 😎

And Then My Heart Sank To the Center of the Earth

8dp3dt
Blood.

I never even last long enough to test. 11dpo is pretty normal for me to get my period so I’m right on target. Even the Progesterone can’t keep it off and help me live on my fluffy cloud of ignorance and bliss for a couple more days. WTF WTF WTF

And there goes IVF #1. All the injections, all the appointments, all of the hope and all of the fear and all of the waiting…

I can’t really put into words what I’m feeling right now so I’m just going to curl up in a ball and let myself cry a little. My body can’t do what a woman’s body is meant to do. What more is there to say about it?

Stark White

I am not typically an over-tester. I usually wait until 12dpo (and I usually have my period by then…).

For some reason I tested today, at 9dpo. I didn’t use FMU… and I didn’t wait 4 hours… and I drank things in between. So yes, I know this really cheap internet test isn’t exactly reliable right now, but the stark whiteness of it still makes me sad. I don’t know why I felt the need to test today…

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Smell the Roses

Warning: This post is uninspired.

Ever so slightly spotting this AM. The tell tale mild cramps. There’s no denying it now. I’m glad I held out testing (12 dpo today); I don’t think I can handle any more stark white sticks. Those things are so mean.

I knew this wasn’t going to be my month. It’s strange, but since I have been under a doctor’s care, I have felt like I know how it will play out:
Feb. (medicated, good old BD) BFN
March (medicated, IUI) BFN
April (medicated, IUI) BFN
—————Future Cycle Predictions

WELL I CAN’T PUT IT IN WRITING! THEN IT WON’T COME TRUE!

Let’s just say, I will need to be patient for a bit longer, but my time will come.

In the meantime, the next few weeks are going to be extremely busy, and I am looking forward to many things:
1) Closing on our new house next week!
2) Martinis!
3) School Musical (I direct it and it’s a BIG FULL SCALE production)
4) wine, wine, wine
5) NO 2 WEEK WAIT
6) Did I mention the martinis and wine? (without the guilt)
7) losing 5 pounds by summer (in spite of the martinis and wine)

Have to keep moving forward, and HAVE to remember to smell the roses along the way…