The Cervix Whisperer

10 Truths From Today

1. One of the doctors (who I don’t see often) said, “You have a complicated cervix.” (So I’ve been told…) Later on, after she [finally] inserted the Dilapan, the tech referred to her as the “cervix whisperer.”

2. Dilapan #3 sucked to put in…

3. … but it worked! Mock embryo transfer afterwards went perfectly! Now it just needs to go like that for the real thing.

4. Nothing beats my mother for comfort, companionship, and support.

5. Costco actually has some really nice furniture. And I have a new coat rack to prove it.

6. I know my protocol better than my clinic. (I told them I needed an antibiotic and that I had to have blood drawn today). I’m a little annoyed that they missed those details. Be proactive and stay on top of your $hit during your cycles!

7. Everything terrible you have heard about Lupron is basically true.

8. Taking a double dose of antibiotics (prescribed), will upset your stomach. Especially if you are already pumped full of other meds.

9. Sometimes the needle goes right in. And sometimes it doesn’t…

10. Wearing fun perfectly mismatched socks can provide at least a sliver of comfort on a tough day.


A Convo With Dr. D

[an abridged excerpt]

Me: (answering phone) Hello?
Dr. D: Hi! This is Dr. D. Your blood work looks good. You can start the estrace today.
Me: Ok, great! Thanks!
Dr. D: I knew you were in the office today; I heard you laugh while you were getting your blood drawn.
Me: Is that a bad sign that you can recognize my laugh without seeing me?
Dr. D.: …We need to get you pregnant.


Time to Play…

Lupron, or Bitch!!! Everyone’s favorite hormone inspired game! Today it has been hard to tell when the Lupron is to blame for my moods and actions, and when it is just the not-so-nice side of me coming out to play. Let’s start at the beginning of the day, and plaaay: LUPRON OR BITCH!

Scenario 1:
Hubs didn’t respond to my 6:54 AM photo text of our cute pup doing cute stuff. Then he didn’t respond to my follow up texts. Finally at 8:30, I called him and told him he made me nervous that he was sick or hurt.

** Bitch. I would probably respond this way on any day with or without extra hormones in my veins. I’m not proud of this but it is true.

Scenario 2:
A colleague who is helping with our school play gave me some bad news about our lighting and sound rental. I responded with a steady stream of crazy, basically saying to figure it out and leave me alone.

** Gonna blame the Lupron for this one. I would never typically lash out at anyone I work with. I usually handle these situations with much more tact.

Scenario 3:
3:30 PM. Slumped in my chair, rubbing my temples, feeling like crawling out of my skin as I attempt to get ready for tomorrow’s meeting.

** This is tricky because this is a combo effort. The slumping and headache is the Lupron, but the work frustration and procrastination, well, that is par for the course.

Scenario 4:
6:40 PM. The town rec basketball team invades the rehearsal I am running 20 minutes before they are scheduled to be there. This has been an on going battle. Administration has had to step in. One man comes over to ask me (again) how long we will be. I respond by telling him that I will be sending an email to my principal requesting that rec be thrown out of our school and never allowed back again. I continue that I do not want to see one basketball or one single member of their league until 7:01 pm. I storm away and send the promised email.

** This was the Lupron… but after what we have been through with these people, it was entirely warranted. The Lupron just gave me the extra push to actually confront them and follow through on my threat. (P. S. My principal is on my side!)

Scenario 5:
(Last one)
I arrive home after a 12 hour work day to find hubs – who is usually a work horse- cozily snuggling in his comfy clothes with puppy on the couch. Watching West Wing on Netflix… again. He has been in this position for at least 2 hours while I struggle at rehearsal. I noisily start dinner, making more than the necessary amount of noise and mess. I purposely decide not to smile and make the decision to be unhappy until further notice, even though hubs comes in to help me and cleans everything in the end.

**I think my bitchiness was warranted at first. But the total grudge and unwillingness to change my mood was Lupron induced. I am dramatic and can be moody but I usually rebound in three and a half seconds.

As you can see, 20 units of Lupron is NOTHING to mess with. Hubs is keeping a safe distance tonight. 😉

The Evolution of an Injection

When you feel like your frozen cycle is mooooving in slooooow motion…
I can only hope that, in this case, slow and steady will indeed win the race.

Tonight, I FINALLY started Lupron (20 units). Thursday will be my last BCP and then we sit tight for- you guessed it – some more waiting – until I get the green light to start the Estrace.

As I gave myself my injection tonight, it occurred to me how much this process has changed for me over the past year. Without further ado, the evolution of my injections:

* IUI Cycles 1&2: Awesome Sister, RN administers my trigger shot. There’s no way I can do this myself.

*IUI Cycle 3: Grab a friend at rehearsal for moral support and make her watch me panic as I perform my first self administration in the dressing room, feeling like a total rebel

*IVF Cycle 1: read the directions at least 7 times before beginning, follow step by step, triple check each step before continuing, panic that something didn’t go right (even though there is no way I could have possibly messed anything up).

* IVF Cycle 2: skim the directions once before starting, “I got this…,” panic slightly when I may have messed something up, reread directions more carefully and realize all is well, continue on like an arrogant and cocky IVF pro, panic only slightly when something does actually go wrong

* Frozen Cycle: Where did I put those damn directions, anyway?, check email on phone with one hand while drawing up meds with another, eyeball syringe (“close enough”), yell to hubs to please walk the dog as I absentmindedly jab myself and barely notice meds being injected

There you have it. Let’s hope this is the end of this particular timeline, as who knows what could be next? Drinking a martini while injecting? Trying it with my eyes closed? NOT wiping the vial down with an alcohol swab first? (gasp!) Let’s hope we never have to find out!

TTC Thanks

Today I am thankful.

I am thankful to be bloated and busting out of my shirt. I am thankful that I had to put my Lupron in a lunch bag surrounded by ice packs to drive to my parents’ house. I am thankful to have the tiniest pock marks on my belly from sticking myself with needles. I am thankful for my small Lupron headache and big hormonal mood swings.

It means we are in the next phase of our IVF cycle, and for that I am thankful. We get another chance, and it starts now.