Out damn spot.

The day of my blood BFP (and day after), I had some mild cramps and brown spotting. I only needed one panty liner and it was enough to worry me but then it went away.

I haven’t had any more cramping or bleeding until two nights ago at 6w6d. I actually said to my husband, “something is wrong.” We ended up doing my PIO shot and then I got right into bed and crashed (which seems to be the routine). Last night I had more spotting and this morning more still (all brown), with definite mild AF cramps in the background. Which are getting stronger as I write this.

I’m talking myself into believing that my uterus is growing and my cervix is a little angry for this, that, or the other reason… but I CAN’T SHAKE THE NEGATIVITY.

I virtually have no symptoms other than boob stuff and being tired, which can both be attributed to the progesterone. My skin looks better than usual, my pee schedule is normal, no cravings or aversions or sensitivities. I know this can be normal, and trust me, I do NOT want to puke, but at the risk of sounding like so many other women, it would be reassuring to feel pregnant. 

Last night my PIO shot ended with spurting blood. The kind that soaked the top of my pants in the back. I’m guessing it is because the area is so bruised, but it was not pleasant. Not for me, or for Rob, who is queasy and squirmish about giving me my shots on a good night…

I guess I am just in a low and anxious place right now. I don’t want to be. I want to feel grateful. I want to be ecstatic and glowing and pregnant.

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Quick 5dp5dt Update

All I have to say is that weekends are the worst when you are trying not to obsess over whether or not you’re pregnant!!! Even though this week is going to be NUTS at work, I’m still looking forward to it. I need to be busy!!!

All day I thought surely I must have miscounted and be at least 6 or 7 days past transfer, but even this non math girl can count to 5. My sister is being a great support, encouraging me not to test and letting me vent to her about this no matter how annoying I get.

So here’s what’s going on (it’s not much):

– progesterone injection sites are extremely sore and “hardened”, especially on the right side. No bueno. (.)Y(.)

– last night I was super thirsty; it should be noted that I didn’t drink all day and this definitely explains extreme PM thirst 😳

– noticeable soreness increase in the boobs today, like right before my period 😣

– noticeable irritability, like right before my period 😬

That’s all, folks. No phantom tugging behind my uterus or extra pee breaks or early increased sense of smell. Nothing that I have read far too many old forum posts about today while procrastinating doing my work. (Seriously, pinching and tugging? I think these girls must be imagining these feelings!!!) Now I’m off to plan my observation lesson for tomorrow AM, when all I want to do is a post-progesterone crawl into bed!

PIO = PIA

Allow me to translate:

Progesterone in oil is a pain in the ass. (Having said that, I will happily stay on it as long as I need to if it will help me stay pregnant.

Here are the things that have happened so far, thanks to PIO:
1) My sister, RN, did a demo (on my bare ass, of course) for my mom
and the boy so that they would be able to do it.
2) My sister, RN, sent another nurse she works with to the house one night since I was home alone.
3) my husband used a piece of raw spaghetti and a tomato to practice, and then proceeded to tell me that he hoped my butt was the same consistency as the tomato.
4) My poor mother has had to stab with more needles than she’d care to count, but she is so gentle and I am so grateful.
5) R legit almost passed out the first time he did it. He was shaking, pale, and had to excuse himself to the bathroom immediately following.
6) I brought supplies into NYC with us the night of the concert. R and I had to mysteriously disappear into the bathroom at the restaurant (thank god it was unisex). We had a false start (“It bounced off,” he told me… uh huh). Then on the way into Madison Square Garden, I got questioned about my supplies. I told the guard exactly what it was for (I’ve learned that people are frightened to upset a woman who is trying to get pregnant and also afraid to ask questions).
7) Oh, and of course I have a bruised and lumpy ass.

All in all though, I really can’t complain. And like I said before, if it helps me stay pregnant, then, all hail progesterone in oil!

Speaking of staying pregnant, here is tonight’s pee stick. (Thanks, sister, for indulging me and stopping at a CVS when we were out shopping this afternoon)!

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Nervous about Monday’s beta. Lots of visualizing, my version of praying, and googling going on…

Not a Numbers Person

I teach Language Arts, and I direct and perform in musicals. I am not a numbers person.

A new number today: 9.3, and it represents my 5dpo progesterone level (Cd21 bloodwork even though I’m not quite Cd21). Even though I’m not a numbers person, 9.3 is less than 10… and that means progesterone. Insert loud sigh of exasperation here.

So here is what I’m having trouble understanding, and maybe some of you can shed some light. My doctor, who I like very much, sat across from me at his desk two days ago and talked to me about how well I respond to the Clomid and Ovidrel. And how there is high risk of hyperstimulating me if I do injectables because of my high ovarian reserve and high response to meds. Hubby’s SA was totally completely average when we had our baseline testing done in January.

Ok… so then why am I only ovulating one egg a month and reading about women with several gargantuan follicles, and why is my progesterone number in the toilet? And why did R only produce 3.5 million viable sperm last week?

Again… not a numbers person but it just doesn’t add up. Doctor is happy with the numbers. But I’m not! And tonight starts progesterone, which, let’s be honest, just postpones the inevitable AF witch from arriving.

So I’m a little bummed today, but I am excited to start IVF with my next cycle. And I am excited that there are only 12 days left of school. Hopefully I will be nice and rejuvenated and well rested by the time we are harvesting lots of little eggs in July!!!

Please Don’t Call

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There is one day during each cycle on which I cross my fingers and hope NOT to hear from my doctor. Today is that day. Today is progesterone day. My doctor’s office only calls if your numbers are low and they want you to start supplements. It is 4:45 and I haven’t heard from them yet, so fingers crossed…

I’m 4 dpiui and this 2ww is soooo slow. I’m on spring break and I’m grateful for some down time, but on the other hand… (Oh, believe me; it’s not that I don’t have a mile high pile of paperwork, but you can guess my progress on that…)

I used to get nervous to have bloodwork done, but since TTC, that has obviously become a thing of the past!