T.G.I.B.

T.G.I.B.
Thank God It’s Beta Day!!!

Left my phone for 10 minutes and inevitably that is when the doctor’s office called. I sort of like messages though, anyway, because you can listen over and over and analyze (and drive yourself more nuts!).

My beta today, at 22dpo, 17dp5dt, 5w1d is 3,713.
(doubling time = 47.06)

This rise is “appropriate,” though certainly doesn’t put us in any sort of overachiever category. I, myself, am a perfectionist overachiever type, but I will try not to project this on to my little embryo who is working its tiny sesame seed sized bum off to grow healthy and strong. Based on my own calculations, I should have been somewhere around 3,800 today, so actually, this number is exactly perfect. Slow and steady wins the race. If my embryo wants to be exactly average right now, that is perfectly fine with me.

Ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday morning, which will be 5w5d. I am SO excited and also SO nervous because I know there is such a range of things you may or may not see this early. I really am going to try to take this one day at a time and enjoy the mere fact that, HELLO, I am actually pregnant. ūüėä

Breathing After Beta

15dpo, Beta #1 ~ 311
17dpo, Beta #2 ~ 643

Insert sigh of relief here. (And now I will move on to worrying about the next hurdle). But for now… everything is moving in the right direction. So… I’m pregnant!!!

I know so many of you have been thinking of me and praying for me. THANK YOU!!!

Going out of town this week so I won’t have a third beta until Friday,which is bound to drive me completely insane. I’m sure I will pee on lots of sticks. ūüė≥

Quick Check In

Beta 3 (19dpo)
599
(Friday’s number was 156)

Progesterone
27

Dr. D is happy with the numbers and now I have to wait an entire week until I go back for ultrasound and more bloodwork. Here’s where that “At Home Beta Kit” would really come in handy…

So the new thing I really want to do is download a pregnancy app on my phone, but I’m feeling like that would be such a jinx! I’m going to exercise every ounce of will power I have and wait until next Monday after I see with my own two eyes that there really is something growing in there… in the right place.

Hey, guess what girls…more waiting!!!

Hopeful, nervous, positive, waiting…

How Much Would You Pay?

Why hasn’t anyone invented an “At Home Beta Kit?” Diabetics can test their blood sugar several times a day with the prick of a finger, and I’m thinking us crazed TTC women should be able to test our own blood HCG levels at home.

Ok, ok… I know this is actually a really terrible idea for many many reasons, but right now, I’d pay just about anything to be able to test myself at home.

12 hours until beta 3. Hope there’s good news in the little vial of blood…

PIO = PIA

Allow me to translate:

Progesterone in oil is a pain in the ass. (Having said that, I will happily stay on it as long as I need to if it will help me stay pregnant.

Here are the things that have happened so far, thanks to PIO:
1) My sister, RN, did a demo (on my bare ass, of course) for my mom
and the boy so that they would be able to do it.
2) My sister, RN, sent another nurse she works with to the house one night since I was home alone.
3) my husband used a piece of raw spaghetti and a tomato to practice, and then proceeded to tell me that he hoped my butt was the same consistency as the tomato.
4) My poor mother has had to stab with more needles than she’d care to count, but she is so gentle and I am so grateful.
5) R legit almost passed out the first time he did it. He was shaking, pale, and had to excuse himself to the bathroom immediately following.
6) I brought supplies into NYC with us the night of the concert. R and I had to mysteriously disappear into the bathroom at the restaurant (thank god it was unisex). We had a false start (“It bounced off,” he told me… uh huh). Then on the way into Madison Square Garden, I got questioned about my supplies. I told the guard exactly what it was for (I’ve learned that people are frightened to upset a woman who is trying to get pregnant and also afraid to ask questions).
7) Oh, and of course I have a bruised and lumpy ass.

All in all though, I really can’t complain. And like I said before, if it helps me stay pregnant, then, all hail progesterone in oil!

Speaking of staying pregnant, here is tonight’s pee stick. (Thanks, sister, for indulging me and stopping at a CVS when we were out shopping this afternoon)!

IMG_3597.JPG

Nervous about Monday’s beta. Lots of visualizing, my version of praying, and googling going on…

Billy Joel & Beta

One of the first things that R and I realized we had in common when we met was our taste in music.  Billy Joel is HANDS DOWN one of our favorite musicians and we have seen him in concert quite a few times.  Last night was one of those times.

So there I am, rockin’ a beta of 38, light bleeding here and there, and¬†trying really hard to let the concert take my mind off of things for a couple of hours. ¬†I had resigned myself to being ok with whatever today’s outcome was. ¬†I started to make a mental list of the things I would do to help myself “move on” (autumn weekend getaway, massage, martinis, maybe really start training to finally run a 5k…), while still hoping for the best and staying positive. ¬†About halfway through the concert, the boy, who is¬†infinitely¬†better at not worrying than I am, leans over and whispers into my ear, “I am so happy that Billy Joel is the jujube’s first concert…” ¬†Well, I just about melted (and also cringed — hello?!? ¬†Jinx it much?!?).

So this morning, I went for my second beta, and then waited an excruciating 8 hours until I saw that I had a new voicemail.

The results…

Beta 2, 16dpo  156

I think I breathed for the first time all day once I hung up the phone. ¬†The number more than tripled in 48 hours. ¬†I am so keenly aware that this does not mean I am out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination, but it is just about the best news I could have dreamed of at this point. They increased my progesterone to 1.5cc and told me to continue on the estrace. ¬†Though this is going to be a long weekend leading up to my next beta on Monday, I am going to really try and let the words, “I’m pregnant,” sink in a bit, because this is the most pregnant I have ever been, and goddammit, I’m going to enjoy it and pray, pray, pray I get to keep saying it for the next 9 months or so!

And Then the Doctor Said,

…”I want to be the first person to congratulate you on being pregnant.”

WHAT?!?

I have spent the last three and a half days pulling myself together about blood and negative tests. This is the last thing I expected my doctor’s message to say after my beta this morning.

The rest of his message went on to say that my beta is 38 and they hope to see a first beta of 50 or more. He assures me that many women continue to have viable pregnancies with numbers less than mine, but of course… I am counting the hours until my next beta on Friday and praying that the numbers do what they should.

Obviously, once I got that news, there were some tests involved:

20140806-224813-82093004.jpg

I know it’s no use, but I’m trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
5dp3dt (8dpo) – a tiny bit of pink and brown CM
6dp3dt (9dpo) – nothing
7dp3dt (10dpo) – nothing
8dp3dt (11dpo) – fresh blood (not full flow, spotting during a trip to the bathroom), BFN
9dp3dt (12dpo) – crampy, feel like AF coming
10dp3dt (13dpo) – feel like AF is coming, BFN
11dp3dt (14dpo) – beta positive 38, BFP

I know most of the signs point to a chemical pregnancy, but we are trying to enjoy the idea of being pregnant, nonetheless!!! I have never seen two pink lines before, so I keep looking back at my pictures to make sure they are still there. I can’t believe I am writing this right now.

Obviously, I am praying, making deals with a higher power, back to saying my affirmations, etc. BUT, if it ends up being a CP, which I know will suck even worse than the original BFN… at least I know that I can get pregnant.

So, for now, PUPO!!! But very very wary and nervous. Beta 2 on Friday.

Say a little prayer…