Not complaining. Just recording. ūüėú

About 17 years ago (wtf?!?) I was diagnosed with esophageal ulcer and hiatal hernia. Every now and then one or the other flares up (mostly when I eat popcorn).

This feels like that. Not sure if that’s even what heartburn is, to be completely honest. Also not entirely sure if it’s a pregnancy symptom or somehow part of me getting over whatever illness I had over the weekend.

Nevertheless, documenting.

Copping a Feel

Anyone who walked by my classroom today when there were no students present, may have caught me copping a feel.

Once I hit 8dpo, I start feeling myself up like crazy. I can’t help it.

It’s actually less “feeling up,” and more “giving a little poke.” ¬†I start compulsively pushing in at the sides of my boobs. ¬†The 8dpo and beyond “tenderness test.”

Do they feel the same as last month? ¬†Are they more tender? ¬†Less tender? ¬†Is it a fuller feeling? ¬†Are those women who say that they couldn’t even roll over on their stomachs because of nipple tenderness for real? ¬†Why don’t¬†my nipples feel like that? ¬†I must not be pregnant. ¬†Or does the lack of boob related symptoms actually mean that maybe I¬†am? Was that a cramp near my uterus? Oh, #@!& it… I’ll just eat some ice cream.

The thing is, I don’t even know what I’m feeling for. ¬†Do I want them to be tender, or not?!? ¬†So, I assess the situation (poke, poke, squeeze)… and then I go back in my fertility calendar and compare the feeling I have today to every single other month at this dpo (please tell me you do this too!). ¬†And I hope for an aberration.

Today I found one. So now I’m hanging on to this tiny thread of hope. ¬†By 8 or 9 dpo, I am usually in PMS mode (…usually…). ¬†Boobs are usually starting to give me my first sign of AF, but today…

i.  feel.  nothing.

And I AM SURE it means absolutely nothing. ¬†Or maybe, the meds are lengthening my luteal phase like they are supposed to, which is a good thing. ¬†But it’s certainly not a good indication of pregnancy. ¬†If there is one thing that I have learned with any degree of certainty from stalking the BabyCenter forums, it is that there is no such thing as an early pregnancy symptom that you can be sure of. ¬†There is so much variation, not just woman to woman, but from month to month within the¬†same woman.

There just is no way of knowing until your BFP — and even then, between evap lines and non doubling beta numbers, sometimes you¬†still don’t even really know. ¬†I have yet to even get to that point. ¬†I hope the big fat¬†nothing I feel right now will at least lead me to the next level of uncertainty. ¬†Sounds more promising than AF. ¬†She’s a you-know-what.

TOP TEN Early Pregnancy Non-Symptoms

Please¬†don’t¬†be mislead by the title of this post.

I don’t yet know for sure if I am pregnant or not this month, but my strong instinct is:¬†not¬†

This has not, however, hampered my desire to symptom spot in the least. ¬†I really needed a distraction leading up to a much needed Spring Break (which began today at 12:30,¬†thank god). And yes, I celebrated with a glass of red wine. ¬†After all, I¬†really don’t think I am pregnant… By my novice calculations, I am on Cycle Day 21, and roughly 5 days past ovulation; I am expecting my next period one week from today, but my cycle ranges from 26 – 31 days (usually falling within 27-29 days), so who knows. Other than the stupid cheap strip I had lying in the drawer today, I am NOT going to test again until I am officially late next Friday. ¬†Or maybe next Thursday night at midnight. ¬†ūüėČ

But back to the “symptoms.” ¬†Here is a quick list of the top ten early pregnancy symptoms that I may or may not have thought I experienced this week, and the real logical cause behind each one.

10) dull headache — stress of keeping 13 year olds reined in long enough to teach them¬†anything the week before a vacation, rehearsing a full cast number for the musical with 80-something students, I can’t remember the last week I went “dull headache” free come to think of it

9) tired / dizzy – I wake up every morning at 5:15. ¬†After dealing with hormonal tweens all day, I have rehearsal with the most dramatic ones until 5:30, then, three times a week, I’m off to teach high impact aerobics. ¬†One day this week, I taught two in a row… ¬†That’s enough to make anyone dizzy, and definitely enough to make anyone tired!

8) tired eyes – I was diagnosed with severe dry eye about a year and a half ago. ¬†I can’t remember the last time I used the drops I am supposed to use twice a day. ¬†So, yeah… my eyes are pretty much always dry and tired.

7) slight cramping – I may have actually been ovulating wicked late (which would put me in the “definitely not pregnant” zone). ¬†That, or I should stay away from the school lunch. ¬†Again, much like the headache, I get cramping throughout my cycle. ¬†It is very dull and nothing alarming and has been happening since high school.

6) smelling things I don’t usually notice – this one I can’t explain, but it was only for a day or two, and it wasn’t anything that¬†really jumped out at me. ¬†This was pure and simple psychosomatic symptom spotting. And like I said, it stopped when I forgot to think about it. ūüôā

5) tightness in chest / some gas – I never drink orange juice, but decided to start again this week for some extra vitamin C since R was sick with a cold last week. Orange juice and I have never gotten along.

4) one glass of wine made me tipsy – I have been cutting WAY back on alcohol consumption for the past few weeks (we are pretty big drinkers); that coupled with being tired and the drink being red wine…

3) lower back pain – I have been going to the chiropractor for this pain since before we were trying to conceive, but clearly this week, it is a sign of pregnancy. Oh, let’s not forget all of those high impact aerobic classes I taught this week with an already tender back… that SURELY couldn’t be the cause…

2) I am moody and easily irritated Рthis could describe me on any given day, at any time of the month; this will NEVER be a good symptom for me to use as a benchmark.  I am often dramatic and moody.

1) bloating – it could be the St. Joseph’s pastries we’ve been eating since last Sunday, the appetizer sampler platter today at lunch (followed by french onion soup), salty¬†Chinese¬†food, … you get the idea. ¬†Though I am conscious about what I eat and try to stay relatively healthy, I am far from perfect, and the PMS cravings officially set in last night around 9 pm.

Well, there you have it folks, my top ten non-symptom-symptoms. ¬†I quite expect that a week from now, I will be announcing official plans for entering round two of trying, and though in my heart I know this, I am sure I will still be somewhat let down when my period shows up. ¬†There¬†is the silver lining of actually getting to have sex with my otherwise drive-less husband, so it’s not all bad. ¬†But I’d still rather make a little ‘a.’ ūüėČ